(no subject)

right. i have all these things i want to write about but i don't actually want to *write*. i will anyway, though. even though i'm dead tired.

so: Saturday, we went to the sheepdog trials. mother's request for mother's day. it was a nice day, so i wasn't too upset. for the most part i sat in the sun and read thieves' world books - my crappy fantasy of choice for a while. the trials themselves were pretty boring - a big field with the shepherd, the dog, three sheep, and some fence bits. and the dogs ran back and forth trying to get the sheep to go particular places. mom really got into it. there was other stuff going on, agility and stuff, but it was almost ludicrous. the sheepdogs were at least doing work.
i got a little bit of a sunburn, but being in the sun made me good tempered. i was still ...annoyed, i guess. not the right word. - when i found out the real reason mom wanted to go to the sheepdog trials. you know how christians are described as lambs of god, and jesus is the shepherd? well, in one of her classes, they were studying paul (the guy who wrote all the letters in the new testament) and decided that because of the way he was trying to guide the congregations, he was a sheepdog. so mom wanted to go so she could see real sheepdogs in action, and see if she could gain any more insight from watching.

....yeah. my mom. she does, in fact, live her faith. and for someone who doesn't consider herself a christian (me), living with *her* isn't particularly fun.

we came home afterwards and went to red lobster. was gooood. we never go there cause it's so expensive, but we did this time. mom had really yummy lobster-sauced salmon that i got a bite of, and i had crab and shrimp linguine. and really chocolaty cake that everyone shared. num.

that was Saturday. Sunday, i went to church. had to be there in time for Sunday school because my father was teaching a class and mom was at the church where she's doing her internship. read more crappy fantasy. i wanted to go to sleep during the service, but dad found joel and i - i thought he would be singing in the choir, but he wasn't and came looking. i at least have an excuse for not wanting to go to church, of not being christian at all. he's just a bad christian. skips worship as much as he can manage.
i attempted to read more crappy fantasy during the service - joel was using me to hide his gameboy from dad, but he saw and took both. i was furious when dad took my book. i wanted to yell at him, i'm 19, i'm legally an adult, how dare you force me to endure your religion and take away my coping mechanism! but i didn't. partially because i'm allowing them to treat me like a child so i can get money and a car (occasionally) and free room and board out of them. and partially because shouting 'i'm 19, i'm a grown up!' sounds too much like a small child insisting that they're so much older than those 4 year olds, they're 4 *and a half*, or a 13 year old wanting privileges because they're a big teenager now. when i'm 20, i'll want to say, i'm not a teenager, stop treating me like a disobedient child, but it won't carry much weight because granted i'm not a teenager, but by how many days? months? ::sigh::
i wonder if i'll ever be old enough (or free from depending on them) that i can feel able to stand up for myself instead of being treated like a child who still needs to be reprimanded.

and then i went to fencing, which made it better. i didn't know if mom would be home in time, so i got shane to give me a ride. and of course she got home before he got there, but he was already on his way. so i had to come home early with him (he had guests visiting) instead of going to dinner. but at least i got to fence. although i spent an awful lot of time sitting on my ass. lazy. i fought, though. marcellus complimented me on my parries, which made me happy even if i felt like i didn't' deserve it. i keep missing parries and getting gacked, you see. but that was the only think i could work on when i was missing all those practices at school... i used a belaying pin (i believe that's what they're called) backstage and went through the motions of parry 4 riposte, parry 6 riposte, circle 6 riposte. over and over. trying for the muscle memory. trying to bring my point up enough that my blade was actually on a plane where it could counter the other blade.

and Monday. mom and i were going to go pick up my box at union station. she wanted to leave at 10, so i dragged myself out of bed, only to wait around until 11 when she was finally ready to go. oh, and she told me to have breakfast. said she didn't want me to drive her car if my blood sugar was low from not having eaten since i woke up.

she is *way* too overeducated.

i drove; it was fun. (and i didn't eat breakfast.) dc didn't make me anxious, like it makes her. see, it's a city. it makes no sense. therefore, i know i'm not going to get where i'm headed the on the first try, so why stress about wrong turns? i'll get it right eventually. there were a few slamming on of the brakes because i didn't see the lights hidden on poles under trees at the sides of the road. things you don't generally notice unless you know what to look for. and you can see a few sets of lights at a time, which don't aways match up. and then we got to union station and had no idea where the loading dock was or how to get there. dad attempted to give directions, which he sucks at. after he told me to turn the wrong way down a one way street, and turn 'that way' (he pointed. he was sitting behind me.), mom made him drive. he knew sort of where to go, just not how to tell anyone else how to get there. turns out he couldn't find it either, so i had to go asking. i got correct directions with insufficient info, but i figured it out eventually. the box weighs 94lbs. the amtrak express guy carried it to our car and put it in by himself. i was damn impressed.

so then we left dc post haste and i dropped mom off at emmanuel church. whatever road it was we were on is very pretty.
and then i went to school. i was planning on being there by lunch or later, i got there just after break started. i had fun walking through the halls and casually saying hi to people i knew. the double takes amused the hell out of me. and i saw lots of people. 'twas fun. chris... i'd forgotten what he was like. or maybe he wasn't like that when i knew him. it's odd hearing about how much i affected his behavior... he seems to have my occasional talent for taking things too far, as well. i saw... people. all of them. well, except the ones who graduated. (excepting fliz and joyce, who i saw anyway.) it was funny, last year it was the freshmen i never met who knew who i was, this year i knew a few of them and they had no idea how. there was one freshman, who i carried outside for fun, who was freckledy and short and wearing tech blacks - pants out of that ripstop nylon stuff, docs, black shirt... she was neat. based on first impressions, i think she'll end up being confident and understanding herself.

took over becca's keyboard intermittently, attempting to read my friends page. but it wouldn't let me log in, and i'd rather not scroll through my friends page without my filter working (::cough::nakedparts::cough::) so i gave up.

sylvie is indeed cute. moreso than when i was at jefferson, i think. i definitely wasn't saying it because i felt obligated to, but because it was true.

the other night when i went to ballston, i was trying to drop an anonymous flower at the apartment where andy was. an iris. it was really pretty, but the only address i had was for his mom's studio, not her apartment. so i came home, and the flower wilted. but there were two flowers and two buds on it, and right after i told andy that i'd wanted to randomly give him a flower, but i couldn't find him and it died, i went downstairs and the buds had bloomed. beautifully. so i figured i might as well bring it to school. granted, by the time i got it to him, it was starting to wilt. but still.

saw em. i felt odd... i think i've forgotten who she is. sad, considering we were best friends... i'm still wearing her necklace.

after school i sat outside wondering what i was going to do until fencing. i got invited to, er, play in a lake? with joyce and fliz and, er, some other people whose names i've forgotten.

in the end i went to freshfields and spent too much money on food - a samosa (decent), cold pad thai (awful, but not unappetizing), strawberries, and a creme brulee from the sweets department (blah). and an olive roll, which i ate after fencing. all the rest i ate in the car in the parking lot of the elementary school where fencing was being held. read more crappy fantasy. again, spent a lot of time on my ass instead of fighting (although luckily fighting never landed me on my ass. :) ). i forgot my shirt somehow, even though it was in a pile with my doublet, which did get there. so i got loaner gear. fought christopher, who spent the hour before practice doing tai chi - i think that's what it was. there was some stuff that seemed faster and more forceful than stereotypical tai chi. he beat me soundly... apparently he's good by most people's standards, so i wasn't too upset about it. he got me with a lot of feints and disengages... i've got to work on mine. i really had a hard time getting to him. of all things, he said that one of the things i should work on was my speed. i was too slow, apparently, which is odd considering that's the one thing everyone else commends me on. ::shrug:: whatever. but he told me about a fencing academy near braddock and 495 that has a period fencing class. i might attempt to check it out.

one of the guys teaching heavy, who apparently knows several libraries of stuff and is an honorary member of all the fighing societies (ie stage combat, historical combat, all that stuff) that he isn't an actual member of, was watching me fight. i heard him asking marcellus about me while i was fighting but didn't think anything of it until afterwards when he asked me if i had taken fencing lessons. well... i worked a little with the glasgow fencing club, i said. oh, he said, how long? 1 year? 2? er, 3 months, i said. marcellus and i joked for a while about that, cause he was the one who *first* taught me. apparently he did well by me. :) the guy said i had good footwork and a good en garde - i held my sword out, which made me less likely to piston and gack someone. (like i did to belphoebe yesterday.. oops. right on the hipbone, bent the blade obviously in the opposite direction. she will have a pretty bruise.)

marcellus says that my aggressiveness is still good, my parries are much better, but i need to work on retreating. while i retreat nicely to maintain distance, when someone attacks i stay there and try to parry and riposte. and usually die. must learn to run backwards, sideways, without falling over.

had to skip dinner again to pick mom up at the church. had to wait for her. i am grateful that she didn't theologize in the car. she drove home, i almost fell asleep. she did make a token attempt at getting me interested in the choir and the college kids' fellowship at emmanuel, though.

joel helped me get the box inside. it didn't suck that much. and it's almost half empty, with the suitcase out of it. it got broken in transit, a bit near the corner got punched in with something. i really hope nothing fell out. i think the contents just settled, though.

i am still tired. i wanted to just read email and livejournals, and write this hugeass thing (sorry about the length) and go to bed. but mom got on the internet as soon as i got home, so i lost momentum. had some yummy ice cream, though.
and i downloaded February. :) haven't heard it in a while.

and! chris got home. :) so i get to talk to him. not that we're saying anything consequential, but still. he is there and i am here and we are online at the same time.

must call lc about my last workstudy paycheck. things i didn't get a chance to do: leave a sase for them to mail my check to me in. or something like that with correct grammar.

must expand upon the comment i made in chris's journal (note: this is nighthawk. chris i saw at tj was azazyll. different people.) about trusting myself. but not tonight. if you don't see it in a day or two, remind me.