(no subject)

dammit, why am i so upset? i suppose i'm crying because i haven't in a while, but.... gah. there's no one i really feel comfortable around. i was away last semester while they developed their friendship and right now i'm muddling through, trying to fit in without overstepping boundaries or something that a person who'd *been* here last semester would know about... cristina said she'd tell me what'd been happening, but i guess she wasn't serious. so i keep hoping that i'll figure out what the situation is *before* i do something stupid instead of after. and all the time i feel like i'm losing touch with the people i really care about and i can't do a fucking thing about it except sit here on my bed and tear up until i can't see how many typos i'm making. and i wanna shout or scream or something but i can't cause the walls are paper thin.... at least erica isn't here.
i guess this isn't primarily hormonal, or it would have happened last week. ::pause:: ::reads back in journal:: oh. i guess it did happen last week, only without the crying. but that it's still happening means that it's not hormonal - it just sucks.

the only person i can be physical with in any sort of way other than playfighting and brief hugs is gary. and he's never home, and when he is it's when i'm in class. i'm not going to invite myself over there, but gary's got too many other things to do to think of asking about me.
which brings me back to the part where i'm alone on my bed crying and typing really badly.

(no subject)

bleh. physics is evil. and i think i have a quiz on Friday, too. but i might get to go to brad's party. :)
another weekend gone.... bleh. wanna read a happy book. i wish i had actual food, cause the cafeteria is never open when i'm hungry (at, say, 1am).