Alice came to a fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?", responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know." Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
-
olga, quoting lewis carroll in 'alice in wonderland'.
today i climbed up to the flybar grid during warmups. the part that i was walking involved the actors walking at their own pace, and stopping or sitting or jumping, involving other people or the set. from above, with halcyon playing, it reminded me very strongly of baraka.
the audience was dead. the show started out great, and wound down to good, because while the actors were *on*, the audience was sucking all the energy. i missed a set change. there are more than enough people to make up for it, but i do little enough with this show, and felt kinda bad. a few people acknowledged my existence, that was nice. and then they all went off to their various parties, and i went home, still in my blacks and practically invisible. it fit well with the social invisibility.
got back to the dorm, no one i knew was around, someone above me started being loud and playing high-bass music. i really don't want to listen to a party right now. so it's 11pm on a saturday. i just don't want to deal with it.
it seems like everyone falls apart at once. so we can't help each other because we're all too unstable to lean on. and the people who haven't fallen apart are content and happy enough that they can't identify with the unhappy people.
either that or no one's around.