(no subject)

amelia gave me coffee. good child. now if only i could get something for the lack of attention span... i've done three out of four drawings - two unclothed figures, one of the clothed ones. the page of lines and circles i can do before class starts.

i think i'm doing this to put off doing the stuff that actually requires thought. 4 page essay for acting, 2 page (i think) thing for aesthetics that i can put off until after acting. i haven't read anything that i'm supposed to be writing about yet.

(no subject)

dammit, if you wanted to make a statement, why didn't you just assassinate bush?

the campus is eerily quiet. and so far, andy seems to have captured my feelings the best. the pentagon is burning.

i'm excused from acting class, rescheduled my meeting with stephen. they might not do anything in class anyway. and now i get to write a paper on fairy tales.

the date is 9 11.

(no subject)

it's an absolutely gorgeous day outside, sunny and clear. the only sounds are the sprinklers and the wind through the trees.

if i'm not looking at a tv, nothing has happened.... when i am looking at a tv, i feel like i'm making myself hyperventilate, just to be reacting at all.

so about that retaliation thing...

why should you be allowed to kill?

(no subject)

heh. just finished my gender and aesthetics homework. then an email came in saying class was canceled.

i should give blood, considering i'll be ineligible in a week. (uk and mad cow disease and all that) but it's on the other side of town and i don't know how to get there. also, i really want to fence. too much nervous energy, no focus.

also, i'm hungry. nervous energy eats calories.

i should do my theatre paper, but i don't have enough concentration. i could do the fairy tales because there are specific questions to answer. essays require a bit more brain. i'm not feeling brainful at the moment.

i'll go wander around and see if i fall apart when i try to talk to someone.

(no subject)

i just remembered a scene from magic's promise.
tylendel has been driven at least slightly mad by the death of his twin. this happened on a holiday, so there's parties. he goes to the home of the family that was feuding with his, and thus who killed his brother, and rants about how they're celebrating... his brother's dead and the fuckers are celebrating. it's not really logical - it's a holiday. only one guy had anything to do with his brother's death. but all he sees is his grief, and their celebration.

that trilogy has applicable parts to most really fucked up stuff that happens, it seems. i'm always reminded of it.

(no subject)

also i'm reminded of the day the music died.... 4 guys. three seats in the plane. they flipped a coin, the guy who lost took the bus. everyone else - richie valens, the big bopper, buddy holly, died when their plane, the american pie, crashed.

the fourth guy's life depended quite literally on a coin toss.

all those people whose bosses wouldn't give them the day off... the firefighters who weren't in the building when it collapsed because they were stuck in traffic when people started rubbernecking

when i think about the possibility that the difference between life and death depends on something so arbitrary as a coin toss, or a red light.... i don't think it's something i could deal with. the possibility that the granny going 20mph in front of me, made me late for work... made me alive. it's like trying to imagine the entire universe.

and then there's the rest of the surrealism. the guy who called his mother from the plane, gave info about the hijacking, the terrorists, their weapons, said goodbye, and died. the couple who jumped from one of the falling towers, hand in hand.

the towers, collapsing.

(no subject)

http://lclark.edu/~jks/music/

bif naked - lucky
andy mentioned something about us being the lucky ones.... so yeah, this song.

u2 - mlk
sort of a eulogy for martin luther king, but the sentiment carries over.

vnv nation - saviour
gods as lost, gods as blind, gods of suffering and pain...

u2 - sunday bloody sunday
so it's tuesday. close enough.


(thanks to tobey for getting the songs for me.)