(no subject)
Sep. 16th, 2002 01:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shadowsongit's weird realizing that i'm not the one who feels the need to hold back. i'll probably realize later that i'm just holding back in less obvious ways, but it still feels ...backwards, i guess. i feel like a small child who hasn't learned that trusting hurts yet. ...and it's also weird to think of myself as non-cynical and -pessimistic and -jaded. i'm more innocent than i think i am.
i think maybe i don't make promises because i don't trust me with myself. i don't know if i can keep promises, and i don't want to prove myself untrustworthy. it's not pleasant, realizing that i don't consider myself a good person, and that i don't know how to change that, or that i can't motivate myself to change it.
there's more, but none of it makes sense.
i think maybe i don't make promises because i don't trust me with myself. i don't know if i can keep promises, and i don't want to prove myself untrustworthy. it's not pleasant, realizing that i don't consider myself a good person, and that i don't know how to change that, or that i can't motivate myself to change it.
there's more, but none of it makes sense.