(no subject)

said in a non-responding im window:

this has a certain draw to it, like spiking notes to pennies for the lucky penny hole. i wonder if anyone will get under the stage and find a pile of pennies and notes, people's wishes and fears and hopes and thanks and promises. bits of lives.

i'm feeling all philosophical tonight.

(and continued here)
that's really what these journals are, bits of lives. only while they're updated, and generally contain more than what will fit on a tiny scrap of paper, in a way, you can learn more from the spiked notes. because they're just going to sit under the stage, in accumulated sawdust and stage grime, and maybe someone will find them but maybe not; no one will know whose note it was and you'll be long gone anyway. so you can actually *speak*. no worries. and even though we talk about speaking our minds and being uncensored, who really is? we all hold back. we don't even know what all goes in inside us - i sure don't, anyway - so even if we wanted to bare all, we wouldn't be able to.

::stalls out::

::restarts, grinds the gears::

dammit, i hate manual transmissions.

right, might as well end there.

(no subject)

happy birthday shauna!

(no subject)

(modified from an im)

i spend too much time on my bed, at my computer. alone in my room. trying to keep in touch with people, and talk to them... but i'm limited by the medium. there's only so much i can do. i should be talking to people who are here, making friends with people i can see and touch on a regular basis. but there aren't any of those, either. everyone i would take the effort to hunt down and spend time with... well, i have to hunt them down. and more often than not i come back empty handed.
so i sit on my bed and talk to people without actually saying anything and wish i could get a real hug for once. one that lasts as long as it needs to instead of long enough to be polite. i guess i've turned to hunting anyone i can down not just people somewhere on campus, because i've even been spending hours on the computer clicking through links with nothing new to see, because there are no people at the other end.
only i'm a bad hunter. and either i find nothing or i injure the thing i was going after.

(no subject)

my bio class is a *very* good non-majors class. today it was gorgeous outside. i figured (from what i hear about other people's science classes) that i should probably try not to miss the lab, so i attended. we sat in class for as long as it took for him to tell us what we were doing. which was to drag all the various skeletons outside, line them up on the sidewalk, sit in the grass and look at them. and look at lock's dog, too, when he brought her out. she's gorgeous, and shed a blizzard of fur. she's a malamute, made for snow not sun.... but she's nice. and lock picks up a paw and says, 'look, five toes, and here's the thumb with the sharp claw,' and then we played with her and poked at bones until we got bored.

heheh. nice class.

found my credit card bill for February today. oops. or maybe it was for January. in any case, it was due last week. ::sigh:: they'll probably increase my credit limit again. i don't understand them. i guess it means i have more money to throw at them or something.

i get to pick up my workstudy money on Friday before i leave for the train... speaking of which i need to figure out how to get there. d'oh. maybe i'll call a cab to pick me up in pioneer square, that should be cheap enough. cause i'll have stuff. i don't know how much stuff, but still.

i was listening to chanticleer singing a josquin desprez 'gloria' and was amused when i knew the words... all these songs are different musical settings of the same few poems/ sets of words. like magnificats, there are a ton of them and they're all the same words, the song that mary is supposed to have sung after gabriel spoke to her. but yeah, anyway, i recognized the words from the rutter gloria. which i still love, btw. the rhythms are amazing. i couldn't stand still when i sang it.
and the biebl ave maria - shauna must have loved singing that, it's gorgeous.

i think i've got most of the josquin desprez stuff that chanticleer's done, moving on to palestrina.... anything i should look for, sarah? groups or composers? all i've got right now is king's singers and chanticleer.

(no subject)

grr. stupid net connection. it *appears* to be loading webpages like it's supposed to, but it might just be pretending to refresh. napster can't connect, mirc can't connect, aim can't connect, icq can't connect. RRRRR. i think i'm going to go get some chai.